Let Me Die On My Own Terms

2006-05-29T01:13:00.000-04:00

Yo! New sites hoe.

Sorry, didn't tell you before..but yeah ya'll deserved the wait..haha losers

2006-04-26T10:51:00.000-04:00

~~The Most Beautiful Heart~~

One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was proud and boasted more loudly about his most beautiful heart.

Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, "Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine."

The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing.

The people stared -- how can he say his heart is more beautiful, they thought? The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed.

"You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears."

"Yes," said the old man, "Yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared. "Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges -- giving love is taking a chance.

Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"

The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands.

The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges. The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his. They embraced and walked away side by side.

2006-04-24T03:49:00.000-04:00

Scare Bears

!Kick-ass band. Seriously, next big thing! Fucken A! This band is now my favorite band of all times. They even have a

MySpace

that you can check out. ^_^ Woohoo!

Apoligy to Bunny

2006-04-23T00:17:00.000-04:00

Bunny Vendeta.

Bunny the girl of my dreams. Really, no, now if they were nightmares then we'd be talking. No, I normally don't rag people. That's why you never find my blog the top of rants. I don't like talking bad about other people. Unless they're mexican of course, only kidding. For a way for making up everything i said to you Bunny, here is my apolgy for the world to read. Posting it on my own site for everyone to know what a mistake i made picking on someone like yourself.

I did not intend for you to get upset. Nor did i intend on angering you. Didn't mean to make you mad. That wasn't my intentions. My intentions were only to bring you a smile in the day. One less person in the world, with a frown on their face. My life revolves around making others happy. I give up all my time in order to make one more person happy, in a days time. Every minute of my pathetic life is spent talking to others. Helping them with self-insecurity and thoughts that they have that resolve in them being sad. Sorry for making your day a living hell, Bunny. Never intended on that to happen. Apoligy for the world to read is writen here now in these words. I'm sorry for the things i said. If i could take them back now i would.

Just to let everyone know, at the moment it's raining. ^_^

I'm sorry for the words that i have ever said to anyone and offended them by it. I'm also sorry, that sorry is never good enough for anything in this world. As for everyone, have a great Sunday.

My day consists of:
Getting up at 10 a.m. to go hiking across the land, to go the the hidden swimming hole.
Rafting when i get there and taking a dip in the water.
Eating lunch.
Walking back up to the road, and back to my house.
Getting in the door and getting online and check mail/comments on everything.
Taking a shower.
Laying down in my bed listening to music for a while.
Playing guitar until i get bored with it.
Getting online the rest of the night and doing school work.

Sounds boring, right? I have no life. I do the same thing almost everyday. Oh well, it's life. Deal with it. It goes by faster then anything you'll ever know. Good night. Sleep tight. Sweetdreams, and all those write on here later things.

Show The World The Warmth In Your Smile

2006-04-22T08:14:00.000-04:00

This is where the road crashed into the ocean,
It rises all around me and now we're barely breathing
A thousand faces will choose to ignore
Curse my enemies forever
Let’s slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful
This desperation leaves me overjoyed
With fading lights that lead us past the lives that we destroy
I listen to you cry
I cry for less attention
But both my hands are tied
And I’m pushed into the deep end
I listen to you talk
But talk is cheap
And my mouth is filled with blood
From trying not to speak
So search for an excuse
And someone to believe you

Ha. Ha. Ha. Losers!

2006-04-18T17:28:00.000-04:00

Woo! You all are a bunch of pussys. Everyone that reads this blog is a pussy. Lol. You all are so retarded, as well.

Fun Night, huh?

2006-04-15T06:05:00.000-04:00

My friend, Ames, told me about this guy she was chatting with on the messenger AIM. He told her he currently worked in the National Coast Guards. We all know what those are right? Well he started trying to get her to believe this. Ames knows better because she knows a lot of stuff, random stuff at that. He said things like, "I'm tracking you down this instant and will show up at your house in 30 minutes." For one, if he was so called "tracking her," he'd known for one she was a girl. He thought it was a guy named James from the screen name, she was using my screen name to mess with him and not her own. I know now why people hate teenagers so much. So right now, I'm basically having her relay the information to me. She is so smart though. It scares me that i know her. I don't know anyone who know all this stuff. Oh well, i don't listen that much either. Well i'm off here.

I Want To Be A....

2006-04-14T17:11:00.000-04:00

Ha. ha. Now the life of a pornstar would be great, wouldn't it? I mean you can have guilt free sex with about anyone you want. Not that i would. I don't even have sex now. It's my own choice not to. I still think living the life of a porn star would rock.

I Want To Be A Rock Star

2006-04-13T05:16:00.000-04:00

I wanna be a rock star. But, I ain't got what it takes. The drive and the determination. And the lucky breaks. I wanna be a rock star. But, I ain't got the face. I wanna be a rock star. But, I ain't got what it takes. Seeing my face up on the TV. Hearing my songs on the radio. People waiting all day in line to see me. Doing my pose for Rolling Stone. Living lifestyles of the rich and famous. Turning all heads in the music scene. Flying in my own jet plane to Vegas. Riding in a big black limousine. No, I ain't got nothing. But, to you I'm something. Something so much more. I wanna be a rock star. But, I ain't got what it takes. The drive and the determination. And the lucky breaks. I wanna be a rock star. But, I ain't got the face. I wanna be a rock star. But, I ain't got what it takes.

A Kick-ass Blog I Came Across A Few Days Ago

2006-04-13T04:12:00.000-04:00

This is a 15 year old kid. She is a very bright young girl. Her page is out-standing. Leave her a message and please take a moment to look over her site. It will be well worth your time. Her name is Heather by the way.
I like the way she is so young yet, she writes like an older person. She has so much imagination as a teenager. She also likes most of the same bands that i do. Which is a major plus in my book. lol. I like her writings the most though. They have so much meaning. Now, i'm just sounding queer. So i'm going to end this now. Baby, I love you Sydney. I love you Shandi. Talk to you two later on.

Dearest Bunny Dear

2006-04-11T23:18:00.000-04:00

Here's to the girl that wrecked my world,
The angel that set me in,
Against my will, I've got time to kill,
So, I'm going to write this just for her,
These few words,
You were the only girl that had my heart,
Now you've ripped it apart,
Broken into several pieces,
Can't believe you'd do this to me,
I thought we were meant to be,
I guess you had better things to do then some juvinelle,
Those times you wished i would try,
Sleeping at night,
I'll never be alright,
Not without you,
My heart is so blue,
No, baby i can't live,
Not without you.
But i'm moving on,
I know i was wrong,
Your words all old,
The bend, they fold.
I'm over you,
Who knew?

Rock 'n' Roll

2006-04-10T23:57:00.000-04:00

I don't know about you, but when I was little, one of my biggest fantasies was to be in a band. Come to think of it, one of my biggest fantasies NOW is to be in a band. Being on-stage is, without a doubt, the coolest part. However, there's a lot more to being in a band than just wearing tight leather pants and owning the spotlight. There's also long rehearsal hours, big arguments with your bandmates and mind-numbing touring. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's more to being a Rolling Stone than just the rock and "rolling". I want to be in a band just without the glamour puss part.

^m^ (-.-) ^m^
^m^ (><) ^m^
^m^ (-.-) ^m^

Music= Imagine-A Perfect Circle

2006-04-10T03:10:00.000-04:00

Slanged.com - Free music video html codes

Long Night

2006-04-09T04:21:00.000-04:00

So basically i've done it again. I've stayed up all night, yet again. I really want to sleep right now and can't.
Anyways enough of that bullshit. Some Luke dude thinks he is the "King of Rants." Pft! That dude wishes. Come on we all know that Butch "rules everyones ass." So that obviously makes him rule all rants. I mean come on. You think of good rants you automatically see Butch's blog. What an ass.
On to other news. There has been a hamburger hit by a semi earlier today. Saddened many civilians are holding a ceremony at the funeral home nearest you. It would be much appreciated if you could make it to the funeral. It's still undecided who will speak. We haven't figured out if ketchup or mustard want to say a few words about their dear friend. Although we lost a fair burger in our community we must press on. We can't let these smashed buns get us down. Thanks for the time and sympathy upon reading this.

Another Nite Spent Awake

2006-04-08T05:14:00.000-04:00

i can't seem to sleep anymore. INSOMNIAC all over again. I don't know my thought keep me up at night. Right now i have so many girls that want to date me. It's beginning to become a hassle. My life is like a damn soap opera. Ever girl i've ever met ends up falling in love with me. I don't like that that happens. I don't even mean for it to happen. I just be myself. Like right now i have An Un-named girl (her own protection), Kristie, Ashley, Some Un-named person (for their own protection), Meghan, Shandi, Laura, Steph, Chelsea, Brittany, Abbey, Kaia, and so many more girls that want to date me. I mean i think i should just turn into some asshole. Maybe then girls won't be all into me. Arg! Drives me crazy hoe easy girls fall in love. I'm just like every other dude. i mean i have a dick so yeah i'm just like the rest of them. I mean some of us may not have one (butch) but i'm not going to mention any names.
Still i only said that because butch is one my fuck with list this weekend. Just had to say something about my little icons didn't you butch? ha ha. Oh well no fuss man. All truth. Well ya'll i'm off here for now. Haven't passed out yet so i'm going to try and make it to my bed if i even can. So i can get up at 10 and call Shandi.

PEACE BRAH

Yeah i have no clue.

2006-04-06T17:14:00.000-04:00

oh my friend how did you come to trade the fiddle for the drum?

Arge

2006-04-04T23:37:00.000-04:00

Damn Man! What is up people? Shit be happening left and right anymore. Oh fucking well. Hope everyone having a great ass time. I know i am. Dude i'm off here. I 'll write something later.

2006-04-02T12:13:00.000-04:00

Last Nite was super UGH!!! Until i got home and talked to shandi until 3:30am. I ended up getting in a fight with my ex girlfriends older brother because he was uberly drunk. He was hanging all over this girl and shit i mean come on it was only right for me to put him in his place. His friend ®udy busted me in the back with a beer bottle. So now i have a huge ass bruise on my back. Which i don't mind because it doesn't hurt. Right now my Rents are leaving. Thank God! I just wish my little sister would go with them. >< My ex is totally ignoring me right now because of what i did. >< girls i swear.

So that is what happened last night. Today all i got planned is Staying at home until later on and talking to shandi all day and hopefully my g/f if im lucky enough to even get that part. So i'm guessing i'm stuck here with my sister all day seeing as she didnt leave with the rents. ugh i hate not being home alone it bites major balls.

2006-03-31T14:52:00.000-05:00

PARTY

WOOHOO party tonight...if anybody needs me for the next three FUCKING DAYS i'm not going to FUCKING BE HERE...lol....so CALL THE DAMN CELL...that's if you know the FUCKING number!!!!!!!!!! lol

ROCK ON

Don't Fucking Doubt Me

2006-03-29T17:50:00.000-05:00

I've been hiding the fact that i haven't been eating for a while now. Everytime i eat it makes me sick to my stomach. I can't help the feeling. Then if i don't eat i feel sick as fuck. Like right now i feel so sick to my stomach. Probably because me and sydney just got in another fucking fight because she's always got to be on my case about things. I'm sick of feeling like crap. I'm sick of my stomach hurting. I'm sick of being told to eat. I'm just sick of fighting with everyone. It's bullshit. I shouldn't have to fight with my own girlfriend everyday just because she wants to be a bitch.

SOMEONE TAKE THIS PAIN OUT OF MY GUT...it's almost taking my breath away...

I Scare Myself Being Like This

2006-03-28T08:40:00.000-05:00

Men Fall In Love Faster Then Women

In a case study it was determined that men do fall in love with women faster. It is determined that the male hormones for love are higher in men then in women. Guys fall in love after just three good dates. A man is attracted right away to any girl in his vision that looks beautiful to him. So if you thought it was women that fell in love faster than men you were incorrect. Of couse, a man can easily forget he is in love with a woman and easily fall in love with another, as women always remember and never give up on that love. They try to make it work no matter how hard it hurts them in the end. So if you want a guy. The easiest way to get him is to have him entertained enough for three dates. Have him see you as the wonderful person you are and don't be afraid to have a good time around him.

I wrote all of this word for word. Surprisingy, eh? I had to get up early this morning due to the fact that i get the pleasure of watching the baby. Lucky me, huh? Right now, the president is on talking about some Andy guy. Lol. God i don't like Bush. Eh, oh well i guess. Everyone gets fucked some way in life. I wish i could be as stupid as our president and get tied up on big words. Oh wait, ha. ha. i do! Well this is enough for today!

Your Never There

2006-03-27T18:30:00.000-05:00

Freaking People i swear. Lol. You all are nuts! I have butch laughing his ass off at god knows what. Then that one dude that i don't even know talking about BBQ Sandwiches. But okay then people. Lol. Does any one else think all parents should burn in hell? Or is this just the way i feel?

Said I'm Going Crazy

2006-03-25T18:26:00.000-05:00

I finally realized, what the fuck am i on?

I was never the way i am now. I used to not give a shit about anyone and used to piss where ever i wanted whenever i wanted. Fucking parents i swear. Right now the dumb dirty bastards are playing poker. Right behind me. They are such Fags.

On to other news....

the little kid across the street came over today and i threw a football at him to get him out of the yard. Little fucker was trying to steal shit from me. Fucking kids i swear! I mean i know i'm 17 but FUCK! i did the same stupid shit but eh so wha. Little kids just piss me off way too damn much! Especially the ones across the street. They are all fucking dumbass hillbillys. The live in a trailor with a window busted out and the door is falling off but they bring in loads of fucking windows in a truck. The dumb bastards are too damn lazy to put one of those windows in their window because that would be WORK!

and other news.....

The world ends in seven days and your all fucked. =\ Have a nice day!!

Promoted By Hamburger

2006-03-25T17:10:00.000-05:00

Recently it's been the score of:

TEN to FOUR

TWENTY to TWO

and...

FOUR to ZERO

I keep beating the cats.....watching the race across my front porch just pisses me off..,..They tore up the garbage tthis morning as some kind of revenge on me...just wait when i see the one that limps again and watch a bullet flow straight into his hide =]

Hamburger is right CATS SUCK!

She's Just A Girl

2006-03-25T02:19:00.000-05:00

If she's just a girl, why is it so that i cry so many tears over her? I never cry over anyone. I do over her. I know she doesn't want me. I mean at least she pretended that she didn't. If you cry over someone, does that make you weak? oOr were you that much in love with them? I can't think straight or anything right now. I can't see with blurry vision.
[ this is not one of their songs though this is my feelings of the day ]

FIREBALL MINISTRY ROCKS OUT!!
You all should listen to them...

*headbangs*

36 Crazy Fists

2006-03-22T16:37:00.000-05:00

SKIN AND ATMOSPHERE
FROM THE ALBUM "A SNOW CAPPED ROMANCE"

Think I'll rename my heart, the calendar.
'Cause it'll surely know just when to end.
And I've been looking at you through the telephone,
as the photograph whispers that she isn't even home.
So alone, I bleed myself right in.
Unusual here breathing, inviting the silence.

But you're not here,
you're nowhere near at all.
Just skin and atmosphere.
And if it's not what you wanted,
better get out now.
Alone it takes me,
underneath it'll surely break me.
Underneath these things.

Twenty some years my parents let themselves leave.
I always swore that would never, ever be me.
And now you're looking at me through a new lens,
your voice on the end doesn't understand anything, nor do I.
Paper cuts for me.

Prove me wrong, I want you to prove me wrong.

SLIT WRIST THEORY
FROM THE ALBUM "BITTERNESS THE STAR "

With the absence of eye,
I can start to bleed again...
With the color of hearts it seems like you wear right thin
And as it falls from your mouth, it seems like you needed it more
Well I can still ask for more, I will still ask for more...
Get the fuck out, stay the fuck out
It makes me sick (I'm alright)

Slit wrist theory, stains us all...
Lace me up, lace me up
I'm still looking for these angels in the snow
Lace me up, lace me up
I'm still looking for these angels in the snow
It seems like a runaround
Words that won't matter
And as it falls from your mouth it seems like you
needed it more

And I will color you all red, I will color you all...red
Get the fuck out, stay the fuck out
It makes me sick (I'm alright)
Slit wrist theory, stains us all...
Lace me up, lace me up
I'm still looking for these angels in the snow
Lace me up, lace me up
I'm still looking for these angels in the snow
Braided conversation
Get the fuck out, stay the fuck out

It makes me sick (I'm alright)
Slit wrist theory, stains us all...
And caved the fuck in, and bashed the fuck in, it's so old
Slit wrist theory, stains us all...
Lace me up, lace me up
I'm still looking for these angels in the snow
Lace me up, lace me up
I'm still looking for these angels in the snow
Lace me up...

eh yeah oh well

2006-03-21T18:20:00.000-05:00

I got to talk to my baby today! Yay! i called her as soon as i got home from town. Then i had to get off the phone to eat supper! >.< So then my sister is all get online you have homework of mine to do so i had to get online and sydmey thought it was because i wanted to talk to shandi was the reason i got back online. arg! i had a good day so far. slepy most the day really. i have no idea what i'm doing tonight. i called meghan today too. we talked longer than we have in a while. now shandi is flipping on me. so im off here for now i got shit to handle shit to do. IM OUT!

Dearest Annonymous,

2006-03-19T17:28:00.000-05:00

There are things to be said about you, that are not yet said. Let me do this now. Your a chicken to not reveal who you are. I mean seriously if you can't own up to your own words why post them at all? Theres no use in even pressing publish it it doesn't post with your name. That's kind of lame don't you think. I mean if i was going to diss someone on their own blog i would own up to what i said at least. Thank you for your pathetic time. Bye bye now!

Thanks,
Andy

~!Talking To Re!~

2006-03-16T01:21:00.000-05:00

So right now i'm talking to Re ^.^

She's cool! OMG!!!!! I got to takl to sydney. Just like effing 20 minutes ago she is when we got off the fone and shes claling me agian in 40 minutes. I'm like so flipping tired and i cant type worth shit.

I'm to call shandi at 9 30am...so i have to go to bed soon, or just stay up all nite idk...

well im off here much love all woooo weeeeeeee

~!Tests Suck!~

2006-03-15T08:32:00.000-05:00

I have tests today, which is really going to suck. I have to drive up there to WhiteHall Library and take them. For six hours at that. It's going to seem like forever and a day. I can't wait to get them done and over with. So, I'm basically sitting here fretting about this. I got my guitar back yesterday, bloody hell if i can remember how to play it anymore. I remember a few songs that i played at like the highschool and things when i went. Other than those i forget them. I haven't really touched a guitar for a long period time for over a year that was electric. I played acoustic at the powder puff game this year.

Today is going to be long and boring as hell. I have nothing planned other than calling Shandi in a hour and taking them damn tests. i'll probably be pushed into picking my dad up from work tonight seeing as it's going to be around 5 when i get back into town. It takes a hour just to get to that damn library. Thats going to be a boring drive so i grabbed my poem book to write poems on the way up there because that's what i do when i'm nervous.

For now i'm off here! I didn't get to talk to Sydney last night but she gave me a offline saying she gave me 3 messages on my voicemail already. So hopefully, I'll get to talk to her today! Well, for right at this time of day i'm off here!

Loyal To The Game

2006-03-13T03:39:00.000-05:00

Why can't all rappers be like this?

Why can't they all be as inspiring as him?

This is the only rapper I can stand!

Made Up On The Spot

2006-03-12T03:19:00.000-05:00

It takes but two seconds to look back at the life i've spent here. One, to realize that i had nothing. The other, to know i had no one. I'd lost everything that year. My mind, my friends, and even my family. No one wants to be around a nobody, and for some reason i didn't blame them.

I looked into the starry night, knowing now i was no one and never had anyone to call my own i'd lost it all. As well as my courage. My fear to go foward is what held me back. For i was a no one and that's all i'd ever be.

My fear was conquering and taking over my consious. I had no real escape of this reality but to press foward, the thing i was most afraid of. As much as it hurt inside to know i was filled with emptiness, i still moved on.

I let those hard days get me down and all the things that i hated got in my way. I could of screamed without a sound. I found myself silenced by those things that they say. I woke up to realize that it's not worth running from anymore. When there was no place left to hide and i found nothing out there is real. I won't stop no until i find myself.

I don't want anyone to look into my eyes because i don't want anyone to see theres no one behind them!

Tell Me That We've Been Wrong

2006-03-11T14:10:00.000-05:00

Been standing most my life living in someone elses shadow. I've been stuck this way too long and now i have no way of getting out of all this darkness. I'm trapped behind these walls and theres no way for me to get out. They are closing in on me and theres no escape. I'm afraid to breathe. I'll use up whats left of the air thats still fresh. I'm wasting away my life behind these walls and theres no one here to let me out. No one can hear my cries for help. If they do they just turn away and act like nothing was ever said.

Is it me in general that they don't want the world to see? At this point i would have to think that is the reason. Maybe it's better off this way. Maybe, just maybe, i'm everyones perfect enemy and they are afraid to face who i really am. So they mask me with these names. Names such as goth, emo, punk, or skater. Why can't i just be me? Whats wrong with that?

Is it wrong not to be labeled anything but yourself?

In a world full of hatred is it wrong to hate everyone around you. To me it's like that. I can't stand anyone anymore. Not after everything i've been put through. This life is not worth it anymore. Sometimes i just want to give up on everything i've ever done or ever will do. Theres no use in helping people if they don't want to be helped now is there? I'm tired of writting this all down because it's not like anyone ever reads this shit anyways. So i'm done writting it. I'm done saying it because no one is even listening.

The Hair Cut That Kills

2006-03-11T00:54:00.001-05:00

The hair cut that kills. So my mom actually made it to my hair with her clippers. =[ i hate it!

I Swear I Don't Have A Gun

2006-03-11T00:54:00.000-05:00

A chance. Ugh I hate waiting for people to get online. Like I've waited all day to call shandi at nine. So I did. Then at 11 I waited on meghan to call me =\. She never did. Then I got online hoping my girlfriend will be on. To my surprise, not really, she wasn't on. I haven't gotten to talk to her a lot in the past two weeks. =\ it sucks! So I'm sitting here hoping time flies by until its 8 o' clock so I can call shandi. =\ So I'll have at least someone to talk to. This sucks. Well I'm off here for now. Just wanted to complain a little. =/

The Face Of Stupidity

2006-03-10T17:12:00.000-05:00

The face of greed and ignorance.

I Am The Map That You Chose

2006-03-10T16:32:00.000-05:00

"If god's good word goes unspoked the music goes on all night."

"Laughter is free, anytime just call me."

"You can't hold your breath as long as i can because i'm already half way dead."

"Please help me because i'm breaking down."

"Believe me i'm just as lost as you."

"If god was real don't you think he would tell someone."

"I see the clock and it's ticking away. The hour glass is empty. What the fuck do i have to say."

"All alone i fall to pieces. And i keep falling."

"I Keep a journal of memories. I'm feeling lonely I can't breathe."

My Lifes Fading Before My Eyes

2006-03-10T12:37:00.000-05:00

For people it's hard to realize how I really am. Who I truly am inside. No one really knows. Not even myself. This world seems to be closing in on me and there's no way to escape the darkness surrounding me. Being pushed around by my family is getting tiring. I mean I'm never going to be the kid they want me to be. Truly what is it to be a kid? I mean I try everything to be a kid but it's like everything I'm doing is wrong. I need to stay strong you know and not let this bother me as much as it does. Do what I used to do and cover this all up with a fake smile and hold it all inside. Pretend to be happy like I used to. I'm never allowed to do anything unless my sister knows about it. I mean seriously she acts like my mom. I mean it's like I have two moms. She's always on my case. She makes me do her homework. As well as my parents make me do her homework too. So I'll never win there. Everything is falling apart again. I'm fighting with my best friend about being happy. I'm fighting with my sister and mom as I type this because I'm not allowed on here until after my sister and seeing as I got up before she did this morning and then she left I decided to get on and now I'm in trouble. I'm sick of this life. I wish I could trade it in for a new one or already used on I don't care how it is. Some things got to be better than this. Well I'm getting bitched at to get off so I have to go.

Whats Wrong With Me

2006-03-09T18:22:00.000-05:00

Um...

So people are saying that they think i love shandi more than my girlfriend!

Is it true? i'm not sure i don't think it is.
Can this be? It could but as i said, i don't think it is.
Sydney is the first girl i've ever been inlove with. How can people think this? Is it because i write about her alot?

Sydney needs to get online! >.<

~!I Love Sydney Renee!~

~!Shandi!~

2006-03-09T17:25:00.000-05:00

Shandi! How would I write about someone like her. Well it's simply to say that she is wonderful. She is always there when I need her most. She never complains about it either. I could be so mean to her yet she would still talk to me. I don't get what about me she would like. Yet, she can tell me what she likes. She's more than a friend to me. She's my best friend! I certainly don't know what I would ever do without her. She's the only one I can seem to talk to anymore about anything.

It doesn't matter what it is anymore but I can't seem to keep it in. I also never had anyone to tell my problems to before either. Now I do. I have shandi and she always listens to me. No matter what my problem is. Means so much yet, I have no way to thank her. How can you really thank someone who is always there? Never lets you down?

there's no way I can think of on how to repay her. She can make me laugh when I'm sad. Make me smile when I'm down. I mean she's the best friend that anyone could ever dream of. I'm lucky to have someone like her in my life. Someone I can count on. For once in my life I feel safe and it's all because of shandi.

I love you Hun!~ Thanks for all the help these last months I've went through. =]

~!Life Left unspoken For!~

2006-03-09T17:04:00.000-05:00

In a world so vain. In a world so cold. How is it that we can still find love? Simple and easy enough it's just wondering around in the hearts of many. It resides in mine. That is where it should reside in all of us is in our hearts. Does it not make since to love? When to love is everything we could ever dream of. Does it make you weak to love? Not that I can acknowledge. Only thing but to make you stronger and give you more purity.

For ones who don't know, yet, they tend to devastate themselves over this. Why? Because they are looking for love. They still haven't found it yet. We pick on others because he have been ridiculed ourselves. We look down upon others because we have been looked down upon ourselves. Makes since to say we'll be around forever doesn't it. Our only existences relies on the fighting that takes place for our own survival.

Are we but nothing more than animals ourselves? Do we strive to stay alive like those of the caribou on the vast plains. Do we fight off predators yet be killed anyways. Are we fed to the worms in the same way of that the brothers that have shared the life before us?

Many things to ponder yet, will they ever be answered. That is a question that you'll only find in yourself, I guess. For I know none of this to my own knowledge. That of your own you may know.

I Know You'll Never Win

2006-03-09T15:21:00.000-05:00

So today i've just basically been made fun of yet again. You know i think i got made fun less at school, ever with all that drama, than i do now. I mean ol' butchie boy doesn't know when to quit. Personally i don't know why he's singled out me of all people. What have i ever done to hurt anyone else?

Yeah, I've broken some hearts but have i ever done it intentionaly? No!

Let it rest let it be,
Why make fun of me,
No reason for you to see.

Whats wrong with you,
Thought you knew,
No need to be rude.

So i'm different,
Shouldn't be a problem should it.

Why mess with a kid,
Whose trying to stay hid,
Stop Throwing a fit.

Grow up,
Until then,
Shut up!

I'm Willing To Bleed For You

2006-03-09T13:01:00.000-05:00

Good afternoon everybody! Everyone doing okay? I've got to tell you i'm in a incredibly good mood! =]

All alone i fall to pieces. Without the people i'm around i'm lost wondering like a poor puppy from his mother. I'll admit that because it's true. I'm afraid to grow up. I don't want to take on the responsibilitys. I want to stay young forever. Yet, still i want to die. Doesn't make since does it? To me it does for some reason. Like the fact my whole life i never really got a childhood till now. I'm 17 and i'm living life like a 5 year old. Yet, I'm accepting responsibilitys i never had before. Still it doesn't make since.

On to other things, today has been good. Actually got up when my alarm went off at 11am, for once. Just didn't get to call Shandi when i got up because the internet was on. Kinda wish i got to but it's okay. I'm talking to her now so everything is good.

I really should be doing school work right now. Seems that's all i've been doing lately though. School work, sleeping, i haven't really been eating, and talking to people, mostly Shandi. Which i don't mind she's my best friend. I wish there was someway i could re-pay her for all the things she has done for me. With getting me off all the drugs i was on. All the pain i've went through and her being there to listen through it all. That means so much to me. The fact she's been there for me is a lot of work. I mean she knows she doesn't have to be but yet she does it anyways. In a way i don't know what i'd ever do without her. She's always there to listen. Without her i'd probably lose it all.

Well that's enough for today. I think i've written enough for today.

How Do You Sleep At Nite?

2006-03-09T01:49:00.000-05:00

here's a pictures of me for those who think that they know me. If you want to know more about me and what i look like (doubt you would) go to http://profiles.yahoo.com/andrew_hecs

"for you i would climb yet another mountain yet try so hard for you to like me." <---makes no sense does it?

Amen I'm Alive

2006-03-08T21:20:00.000-05:00

"Fireflys our only light in paradise."

So I guess today was like any other. Got up late like i always do. In other words i didn't get my morning phone call with Shandi. That's like morning coffee it's just something i need to wake me up to get me ready for the day. Seeing as shes my best-friend i try to talk to her at least once a day. Although i like talking to her more than once. She has a way of making you laugh and smile like the horizon. Soon i should be getting my old guitar back and i'm going to be trading that one in for an acoustic. Preferably a Fender, i'm not too fond of Harmony, although their guitars do make a pitch of sound like no other. On to other things, today has been a weird day. I talked to my girlfriend today as well as Shandi and Mallory. Which i tried making Mallory mad by calling her my wife which tended to work quite well.

I was thinking maybe i should quit smoking again, but as we all know that never works out quite like i want it to. I never will quit most likely. Like i said before, "It's just like a cigarette, it's just something i do."

Tonight i see myself sleeping early. Although i did get up late i still feel exhausted from watching the baby all day today. So for now i'm done writing. As to know end it here.

~!More About Me!~

2006-03-08T15:07:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so i write poems big whoop. I'm a teenager you got that write. Seeing as I'm only 17. You would know that right because you seem to pay more attention to my page than I myself do. To know that I changed where i live to where I actually live would just surprise the hell out of you wouldn't it. Wow! Well here I'll give you all a great big pat on the back. You found out who I am. Really, No! Yes, I'm 17 but anyone that can read will know that. Yeah, i write poetry that just goes to tell you i enjoy writting. Yeah, so what that I'm in highschool and I'm 17 and in the Tenth grade. Just goes to tell you i hated going. Wait, I'm telling you stuff you already know aren't I. Well, well, well, i should quit shouldn't I? How about No! You guys that think you know me don't know that yes, my girlfriend is real. I'm not like you i don't make girls up. Yes, I'm in love so kill me. I can't stop being in love. Yeah, so what i'm not like everyone else. I do wear somewhat bagging pants but they do not fall off me. No, I don't wear chains. Yes, i do have my ears gauged, eyebrow pierced and my nipples and P.A. pierced. That's all i have pierced. Yes. i wear my hair in front of my face. No, that does not make me emo. I rarely cry. The only times i can remember crying is about 5 times my whole life. That's all you need to know about me. So I'm off here. Bye!

For All Those Who Don't Know Me

2006-03-07T23:45:00.000-05:00

Here, is this what you wanted? Did you want me to seem just like you? Another robot writting about a life that no one else has, that no one else can keep up with but yet write about it any how just so it don't build up in my mind? Do you like it better when i write like this?

Robots are what you all are. Following commands by the goverment. Have you noticed that in the Constitution it says our fair land that we share is free, yet we cannot be how we want. We cannot live our lives the way we want it to be. We can't believe in what we want. There is a right that says we are protected by our own beliefs, yet we are fratinized by what we believe in by every other person in the country. Whether you be Atheist or Satanic. These two religions are saw upon as evil and against all man. When really it's a religion about practicing your own faith and going about life the way you want to live it. Have you ever thought that what is god. How can he be greater than me? What did he do to make him so great?

You all are ragging me about what i do. When really look at what you are doing. You are looking down upon me for what? For being in love? For not writting like you do? Thats discrimination. If you have read what your suppose to in school you would have learned about this. This is a serious offense in our great country. For we like to hold trials for this. As me myself i would not go that far. I do not have the heart to really be mean to anyone. If you would know me, you would know that. For as you do not know me, you do not know that. Till that you take the time to read over what i just typed on here. Then when you've seen where i am coming from maybe then there would be a reason for leaving a comment on my page.

I am not the richest kid on earth. Yes, I am in high school but that does not mean i'm a complete adolesence. I've went through more in my life now then you will probably go through in the next 50 years. For many do not take the time to get to know me before they judge me. That is why i put the "I'm not emo" title at the top of my blog page. Many people make the mistake in thinking i am emo. The way i dress maybe is a reason, or maybe tis the music i listen to. Still i do not want to be labeled. I am i, myself, no one more. Thanks for your time.

I love you Sydney, i hope you had a great day at school baby!

2006-03-07T14:14:00.000-05:00

~~~!EFFING LOSERS!~~~

got to love those suck up washed up fans..i like how all you guys think you went to english class all the damn time 24/7. i chose to write the way i do because it makes me unique. different from you ass. don't harass my g/f. she has nothing in this. yeah so what i'm in love. are you jealous because your not? that you sit around on blogger all day worshipping your boring life? i mean yeah i have no life but at least i have love right? what do you have? answer me that. one thing you dont know me. dont judge what you dont know. i can talk and make since. trust me i sit and write for hours. theres times when i just really dont feel like writting any more so i abbreiviate my words. oh my bad SHOOT ME because of that. hell you all are just like marching robots following someone. i follow myself because thats all i'll need. and sorry the father son dance was last week. really...NO!!! you guys are all losers. not that loser is a bad thing. i didnt have any problem with you until i read the comments you left my g/f. that deeply offended me. why bring her into this? what did she do? nothing, thats right your just dragging her down because of me. well look its not going to work that way okay? hasn't your parents taught you that you dont bring everyone down. then agian your probably dont listen to you parents the way i dont listen to mine. then again thats because im really on my own but you wouldnt know that because you didnt take time out to get to know me before you judged me.

Ponder whats wrong!

2006-03-07T02:09:00.000-05:00

~!Can't Escape The Way I'm Feeling!~

i havent talked to sydey in what seems forever..although it was juss the other nite..i mean i wish i wuldnt have had to go but i mean i didnt want shandi mad at me..i mean shandi is my best friend n she helps me thru alot of things..when sydney is not there..which is usually..alot...i mean i love sydney always will..cant stop loving that girl..she has me..i dont think i culd ever let go..i mean everyone knows i love her..i talk about her all the time..hell i mean shes everything to me....i have a new nick name....its Deee...with three E's lol...idk.. but alot of ppl juss keep calling me it for sum reason...oh wells...i love you sydney.

"you know where it ends, it just usually depends on where you start."

~~~!I Love You All!~~~

LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED

I've learn to know that love hurts like hell..but the more it hurts the more in love you get.

2006-03-05T18:09:00.000-05:00

looking to everything you mean to me,
looking at us like everyone wants us to be,
we've been here too long
now we've spent too much time,
smell of love in the air,
looks in our eyes,
like we just dont care,
living our lives,
with everyone a stare,
let them be, for them to see,
it's just you and me.

I'll miss it all,
miss everything i had,
everything that ever made me sad,
lifes so unfair,
right now, i really don't care,
i just don't want to be done,
i don't want to be gone, not yet,
my life is set to a certain,
like a curtain to a play,
what can i say?
doctors can't fix, what they can't cure,
my heart, im not sure if its really pure,
i laughed it off like everything was okay,
now i have to pray to live anohter day.

i'll stick with you through it all,
thick or thin, ill catch you,
before you may fall,
i'll be there for you with anything,
that you should do,
i'll have your back, no matter,
what things you've done wrong,
i'll never leave you alone,
i'll be there for you if you may fall,
thick or thin, i'll be there,
for it all

if i had just one more tear left to cry,
i would spend it on you, if you were to die,
i would cry myself to sleep,
those memories of you i would keep,
everything i said to you, trust me,
i meant it all,
the day i told you i loved you,
those feelings never did fade,
the times i layed up wondering,
if you were okay, i still,
wait up wondering today,
i'll miss you when your near,
i'll miss you even more when your, not here,
the memories of you i'll never leave behind,
your the one thats always on my mind.

2006-03-02T20:21:00.000-05:00

I Love Sydney Renee So Much!

~!National Sleep N Public Day!~

2006-02-28T21:45:00.000-05:00

listen to the rain fall day by day by day....
i hear u calling..voices are here again...
i hear u whisper...taking control of me...
watch the dancing shadows run away....
all alone once again and afraid....
all these faces..changing the shapes of me..
i sit waitin in my own world waitin for the end....
haunted figures around me im a mistake...
always there to protect me this is one thing u cant take away...
listen to the rain fall day by day...
listen to the rain fall day by day by day...
i hear u calling...voices are here again...
i hear you whisper n my whole mind will never change...
i hear you calling................

i whisper things i dont mean...nd wat i chase wont set me free
nd i get scared but im not crawling on my knees
yeah everythings all wrong here...stranger than ur sympathy...
all i wanted..when all ur lucks run out on u...was u....
u cant see when all ur dreams are coming true?
is it easy to furget me...all these thoughts u stole..
nd im not sure where i belong...i whisper all the things i try to make..
believe...nd b4 the dreams i wanted i juss wanted it to be me nd u..
all the empty things deguised as me...

baby id give up forever juss to be with u...ur the closest to nething ill ever be...nd all i can think about is u..nd all i can dream about was u...sooner or later..u'll see....that u mean everything to me...i juss want u to kno...that i never wanna let u go!!!

Sum Kool Stuff I Learned How To Do On My Own

2006-02-26T07:18:00.000-05:00

I Love Sydney Renee!

People I've Slept With:

At A Time When Lifes Not So Hard

2006-02-25T07:13:00.000-05:00

breathed thru an open door this pressure i cant take anymore...life of a tragedie...cant get it rite again....bring it back to a time so sad..a time that only u nd i had...lets bring it back for all those memories that we now lack....show them the doors..that will give them more...give them the lite that will make this alrite....watch as the birds take forth the morning sun watch as they take down that of a new born sun...take the life from his body and the soul from his heart...tearing his family all apart....at a time yet so young...he never really had a place he culd call home...no time will he have shown his knowledge to his kids..the ones that he knew were his...never will he have a life..were he spent it all on his wife....time has been shown this we all have known..death is a part of everyone one of our lifes..as well as love nd its touched everyone of our lives..

written completely by me on a tiresome morning at 7:17 in the morning....

i love you baby nd this is a dedication to the ppl n our lives that we have lost baby...i love you soo much nd cant wait to talk to u again....im missn you like crazy baby...nd this is nuts how i feel this way but i feel it everyday baby...

I Wanna Screw "Where To Run I Need Music To Set Me Free To Let Me Be!

Missing My Baby!

2006-02-17T02:46:00.000-05:00

god rite now i really miss my baby..like hella crazy..she all i can think about...i miss her so much...i mean im miserable when im not talking to her..even if we aint talking juss knowin she there keeps me half way ok..but i mean without that im juss lost..nd alone...i mean i cant even keep my emotions str8....i juss i love this girl u kno...i love her more then nething..but i mean we havent been like the old us..we like changed or sumthing...cuz we no talk ne more..no not like we used to..we culd talk on the fone for hours...like our 16 hours =P but i mean ne more theres juss nothing to say...juss i come blank when i hear her voice..i mean ill have so much to say b4 she picks up the fone...i mean like tonite....i was almost too afraid to have her mom tell her i love her...nd i never am...nd im like oh yeah i kno juss........(long pause) *mom bout to hang up* tell her i love her....nd then she like i will bye andy..nd then *cLiCk* nd it was over with...then i juss sat around...but yeah thats all for now i gots me a new friend lol GRACE lol....tryn to find sum stuff out bout her...byes yalls!!

~!Heavens Gates Won't Open Up For Me!~

2006-02-14T15:21:00.000-05:00

I'm Giving You My Heart Baby!

don't ask me how it could be
sometimes it's hard to believe
that in my lifetime i could find that someone
who can make me complete
you are the air that i breathe
i'd surely die if you leave
'cause i have never felt this way ' bout any girl like i feel for you
so this is what i'm gonna do

i'm giving you my heart forever
every beat of my heart says it's true
i know we'll always be together forever
you lovin' me - me lovin' you
and i'm giving you my heart to you

you are so special to me
your love is all that i need
and i'm gonna spend the rest of my life
loving you faithfully

this love i feel is so strong
with you my heart's found a home
'cause no one in this world could ever love me so tenderly
so you can best believe

i'm giving you my heart forever
every beat of my heart says it's true
my love for you won't fade no never
you lovin' me - me lovin' you
and i'm giving you my heart to you

and when i'm holding you close to me
i know all of my dreams have come true
wanna let you know how i feel
girl my love is for real
and i just wanna give it to you

every beat of my heart says it's true
my love for you won't fade no never
you lovin' me - me lovin' you
and i'm giving you my heart to you

I Love You Sydney! Happy Valentine Day Baby!
I missed you so much today baby...well i bet u culd tell with all the messages i left you on AIM but still baby u have no idea how much i missed you today....i hope u had fun today at skool nd that was nice of nathan giving u the rose....hes a really nic dude for doing that...i love you baby have a great day baby...I HEART YOU BLACK!!!

I want a damn fish!!!

2006-01-22T15:14:00.000-05:00

well for one....to start this off im going to name a list of things of what not to do.....

1. DO NOT go lookin for fish n the winter U WONT FIND NUN

2. DO NOT go swimming....IF U CANT SWIM!

3. Wear PANTS to go walking n the woods.

4.Never WALK n the creek when its WINTER the waters COLD re re.

5. Just dont be like me PERIOD!

well i decided i wanted a fishy....so i was goin to go nd gets me one...outta the creek..well wat i didnt think of is its dead middle of winter THE FISH ARENT OUT....well so i go down there on the way down (im wearn shorts member) i come across this nice path of thorns rite....well so i rip up my legs then i culdnt cross so i took off my shoes nd walked IN the water....well i seen fishys well least i thought i did...n the deep part of the creek..(keep n mind i CANT swim) so i juss JUMP IN...well no that was a tid bit scary but i managed to stay calm nd climbed up on the rock nd pulled myself up then stud up so i culd breathe..well freezin i decided again to take off my shoes nd juss walk thru the creek..basically n the end I DIDNT GET ME FISHYS....*cries*

i ♥Sydney!

2006-01-22T07:26:00.000-05:00

♥Sydney!♥

i hate living but i love sydney

i love sydney

This is sumthing i wuld do for sydney!

2006-01-21T01:11:00.000-05:00

girl- hey
boy- i missed u at school 2day, y weren't u there?
girl- yeah, i had to go to the doctor.
boy- oh rele? y?
girl- oh nothin, annual shots, thats all.
boy- oh
girl- so wht did we do in math 2day?
boy- u didnt miss ne thing that great.......just lots of notes
girl- ok good
boy- yeah
girl- hey i have a question......
boy- ok, ask away
girl-........how much do u love me?
boy- u kno i love u more than anything
girl- yeah.....
boy- y did u ask?
girl-................>silence<.........
girl- no nothing at all
boy- good.
girl- ..............how much do u care about me?
boy- i would give u the world in a heartbeat if i could.
girl- u would?
boy- yeah.........of course i would >sounding worried< is there something wrong??
girl- no, everythings fine......
boy- are u sure?
girl- yeah.
boy- ok.......i hope so.
girl- ..............would u die for me?
boy- i would take a bullet for u anyday, hun
girl- rele?
boy- anyday. now seriously, is there something wrong???
girl- no im fine, ur fine, we're fine, everyones fine.
boy- ............ok
girl-......................well i have to go ill c u 2morrow at school.
boy- alright, bye. I LOVE YOU.
girl- yeah, i love u 2, bye.

THE NEXT DAY AT SCHOOL:

boy- hey, have u seen my g/f 2day?
friend- no
boy- oh.
friend- she wasnt here yesterday either.
boy- i know, she was acting all wierd on the phone last nite.
friend- well dude u kno how gurls are sumtim
boy- yeah........but not her.
friend- idk wht else 2 say, man.
boy- k well i gotta get 2 english, ill c ya after school.
friend- yeah i gotta get to science, ttyl.

THAT NIGHT:
-ring-
-ring-
-ring-
-ring-
girl- hello?
boy- hey
girl- oh, hi.
boy- y weren't u at school 2day?
girl- uh.......i had another doctor appointment.
boy- are u sick?
girl- ..................um i have 2 go, my mom's callin on my other line.
boy- ill wait.
girl- it may take a while, ill call u later.
boy-........alright, i love u hun.
>very long pause<
girl- (with tear in her eye) look, i think we should break up.
boy- wht???
girl- its the best thing for us right now.
boy- y????
girl- i love u.
>click<
THE GIRL DOESNT COME TO SCHOOL FOR 3 MORE WEEKS, AND DOESNT ANSWER HER PHONE.

boy- hey dude
friend- hey
boy- whts up
friend- nothin, hey have u talked 2 ur ex lately?
boy- no
friend- so u didnt hear?
boy- hear wht?
friend- um idk if i should be the one to tell u......
boy- dude, wtf tell me
friend- uh....call this number....433-555-3468
boy- ok............

BOY CALLS NUMBER AFTER SCHOOL
-ring-
-ring-
-ring-
voice- hello, suppam county hospital, this is nurse beckam.
boy- uh.......i must have the wrong number, im looking for my friend.
voice- what is her name, sir?
(boy gives info)
voice- yes, this is the right number, she is one of our patients here.
boy- rele? y? wht happened??? how is she???
voice- her room number is ..646, in building A, suite 3.
boy- WHT HAPPENED??!!!!
voice- plz come by sir and you can see her, goodbye.
boy- WAIT! NO!
*dial tone*
BOY GOES TO HOSPITAL, AND TO ROOM ..646, BUILDING A, SUITE 3. GIRL IS LYING IN THE HOSPITAL BED.

boy- omg are u ok??
girl- ..................
boy- sweetie!! talk to me!!
girl- i..........
boy- u wht?? U WHT???
girl- i have cancer and im on life support
boy- .....................>breaks into tears<......................
girl- they're taking me off 2night
boy- y??
girl- i wanted 2 tell u but i couldnt
boy- y didnt u tell me????
girl- i didnt want 2 hurt u.
boy- u could never hurt me
girl- i just wanted 2 c if u felt bout me as the same i felt bout u.
boy- ?
i would die for you and take a bullet for you.
boy- ...........
girl- dont be sad, i love u n ill always be here w/u
boy- then y'd u break up w/me?
nurse- young man, visiting hours are over
BOY LEAVES, GIRL IS TAKEN OFF LIFE SUPPORT, AND DIES.

but wht the boy didn't kno is that the girl only asked him those questions so she could hear him say it one last time, and she only broke up w/him because she knew she only had 3 more weeks to live, and thought it would cause him less pain and give him time to get over her before she died.

NEXT DAY
the boy is found dead with a gun in his hand..with a note in the other...
THE NOTE SAID:

i told her i would take a bullet for her....
just like she said she would die for me...

I love you baby

2006-01-19T17:08:00.000-05:00

well im going thru shit with shandi already today..ugh i mean y cant she juss see the fact I LOVE SYDNEY..i cant help who i love im not suppose to..it it juss happens...plus sydney is wonderful i mean she treats me a jillion times better then shandi does shandi treats me like shit most the time...i mean i can always get her to laugh even if shes sad but still i can do that to ne one when i want to...im so tired rite now..i bout fell asleep in class nd i came home nd fell asleep hanging off the side of the couch...im beat...nd god i come home nd my mom starts bossin me around ugh..all i wanted to do was pass out on the couch til they left..but NO..but i did get like 10 minz of nap time lol..i cant wait for sydney to get on so i can tell her how much i love her...*yawns* i hope its before i lay down...i cant turn the volume up ne louder so i wont kno when she gets on....ugh well im going for now im too tired to write

I LOVE YOU SYDNEY!

New Years!

2006-01-01T08:43:00.000-05:00

sumone how im hoping this worx if it dont oh well i guess lol

i been up all nite talkin to danielle

HAPPY NEW YEARS PEOPLES!!!!

Tears I've Cried With No Tears At All!`

2005-12-11T22:04:00.000-05:00

i told everyone the truth today...the fact im not going to be here long...i broke up with sydney cuz i dont want to hold her down...i dont want to date her cuz im not going to be here long enuf and the longer i tell her i love her...the harder it is to let sumone go...i dont want her to go thru that..not like anyone is going to miss me but i sure as hell am going to miss them...imma guard all yall when i die...and i want a huge party....everyones invited....it will be in the winter but oh well..get the kegs and make a bon fire...sounds like sum fun...*sighs* i love you sydney and ill sure miss u when im gone!

sydney!

2005-12-04T14:13:00.000-05:00

i love you baby i love you alot..do do do dumm..sorri about this weekend....i apoligize...

UPDATED lol

2005-11-29T22:33:00.000-05:00

i love sydney...i always have i was just to blind to see it when i was messing around with other girls..im quiting drugs...and im not going back..i mean yeah its going to be hard but i juss i cnat go back to that or ill lose the only girl i love..and i just dont want to do that..i love her so much she means alot to me and she knows that =S least i hope she does..rite now i mean all today ive had this feeling like imma lose her...and i kinda know i am...cuz as soon as i leave for the A.F. she going to find sumone and juss idk..she going to get wit him juss like in my dream...i really dont want that to happen but i know its going to...im so worried cuz she all that matters to me...god i love her so damn much and i juss feel like imma lose her

i cant describe how much i love her i never really have been able to understand...im so into her...and i dont know why..she means alot to me more then nething...i really wish i could get her to see that...*hugs her really tight and never lets go* baby i say never let go because i never wanna let go of you..well baby im off here for now BUT .... i love you so much!

I LOVE SYDNEY RENEE..MORE THEN NETHING!!!

The Pain I Have Caused..The Life I Have Lead!

2005-11-24T02:47:00.000-05:00

yes this life of mine is real i tryed to wake up today...it didnt work i juss kept on dreaming...i juss wanted to scream...i wanted to do something..so i didnt take my medicine...i hoped that it would drive me so insane that i would commit suicide..but even then i didnt have the guts...i guess i turned into a wimp i dont know..im still love struck to sydney...i cant hlep it i love her alot....she helped me get over meghan..i tried to completely block her out of my life but it doesnt work....she still wants to date me and it looks like its going to be a long ass week....like always...pain...torture..and a struggle to make it through everyday..i mean not that my day could have even gotten ne worse...i mean i come home from skool get hit by my dad over and over i go to consueling get home log online and all the sudden sammie pops up after i put hey and told me not to talk to her then sydney did the same i was like wtf?

later to be found out sammie had got on my list...(which reminds me i need to have a talk with amber about that)...and talked to sydney...mostly i dont even know why im writting this really the only people that read these is marley (rarely) and sydney and black..i dont even know why i bother...i dont know why i bother writing anything anymore..i mean it gets taken the wrong way anyways and twisted up in the minds of strangers into sum grave detailed plot of vengence..i give up on it all...IM DONE WITH THIS SHIT!!!!

a big fuck you to everyone that ever doubted me~

a big i love you to sydney but its all the same!

DANI (the black)

2005-11-16T08:50:00.000-05:00

HAHAHA....yall thought it was going to be to sydney..nah..i love my dani...lol...aww syd dont look so sad i love you too...its juss my blogs are always about u so i thought maybe dani would want one by now lol..so dani anyways how you been..i been juss peachy....im sure you already know why...well in case u dont durrr let me feel you in...im dating sydney...duhhh lol...that and get used to it kid u going to be saying UGH alot...cuz im not stopping saying it to syd...so she going to be saying it alot...lol...im sorri its juss u started it lol..idk how but u started it...we should like take that pic of syds ass and post it all over the net and be like look SYDS ASS....lol you know u like it hell i do lol...lmao...haha hey sydney....SUNDAY MORNINGS!!!!!...*laughs hystarically*...wow thats a big word for me...omg syd u are so dead...ugh if ur mom heard what i was talking about last nite i swear lol...i think it will be funni if she did...then when i go down there ill randomly bring it up...lol..haha i should show ur mom...u know she would like it...lol...well yalls imma go prank call syd now lol...ttyl love yall bye bye...ill prank ya syd if i can..idk if i can get offline for that lond idk if its worth it...lol jk jk jk...love you baby...LOVE YOU BLACK!!!!!!!!!!!

i love you dani...shit i mean sydney sydney i love you sydney lmao

UGH

2005-11-14T06:14:00.000-05:00

hey...wow...been a lil bit since i updated this....i guess life got better since the last time i said anything...i'm dating sydney again..i mean lookin back at this blog you will see me and her have been thru alot...like two break ups....but yet she still took me back....ppl thinks shes nuts and i still don't blame them...i can't see how she would want me back.....i love her though...i mean yeah i like meghan i sorta always will...but rite now my heart is set on one person...sydney....shes my baby and i love her....what more is there to say...

I LOVE YOU SYDNEY!!!!!

yeah

2005-11-10T12:28:00.001-05:00

I LOVE SYDNEY RENEE ANDREWS!!!!!

i love you baby and always will!!!

yeah

2005-11-10T12:28:00.000-05:00

i thought everything would be alrite...i thougth maybe this time i wouldnt hold on too tight....i thought too much in the last 3 months....i cant put my past behind me and its showing....and i know that soon you'll see who i really am...and thats when you'll never talk to me again..its time to savor everything i once had...you remember those times..the times that were never sad...i thought by now i would have grown up....but now its juss time for me to give up....i cant even go to skool...i always think i got better things to do...if i was ne one i would even let me in there life....let alone let me be there friend....ive changed so much since i got off drugs...sumtimes it makes me want to go back...and do it all again..then maybe you would want to be my friend....i remember listening to everyones problems....fixing them...making it all good again....but now i juss cant defend how i feel...and it comes out all wrong....i have a criminal record....and no one can see who i really am ne more...not like they ever could before....i juss wish there was a backoor out of all this...and i could juss get away...if only for one day...it would be worth it...but i guess ill juss have to dream and listen while everyone else screams!

Let Me Die On My Own Terms

Homies

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Apoligy to Bunny

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Show The World The Warmth In Your Smile

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Ha. Ha. Ha. Losers!

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Fun Night, huh?

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I Want To Be A....

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I Want To Be A Rock Star

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A Kick-ass Blog I Came Across A Few Days Ago

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Dearest Bunny Dear

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Rock 'n' Roll

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Music= Imagine-A Perfect Circle

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Long Night

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Another Nite Spent Awake

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Yeah i have no clue.

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Arge

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Don't Fucking Doubt Me

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I Scare Myself Being Like This

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Your Never There

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Said I'm Going Crazy

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Promoted By Hamburger

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She's Just A Girl

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36 Crazy Fists

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eh yeah oh well

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Dearest Annonymous,

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~!Talking To Re!~

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~!Tests Suck!~

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Loyal To The Game

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Made Up On The Spot

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Tell Me That We've Been Wrong

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The Hair Cut That Kills

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I Am The Map That You Chose

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~!Shandi!~

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~!Life Left unspoken For!~

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